My husband said to me recently,”You know, when I read your Substack posts, I think to myself - wow! this woman really has it sussed! Who is she?” Hmm. I know exactly what he means though. I wonder the same myself sometimes… 😅
His comment prompted me to write this piece in the interest of full disclosure: If it appears that I fully embody everything I write here all of the time, then I must put up my hand and admit to those of you who don’t know me - those who do, will be clear already on this point 😉 - I most certainly do not!
It brings up a question I am often asked though: Where does it all come from? The short answer in my phraseology, is ‘Source’. In my worldview, each and every one of us is connected intimately with Source, though it is named differently, or not at all, depending on individual beliefs. Of course, no word could ever adequately describe the innate and deep-seated connection to all that is, but for me, ‘Source’ works as a signpost.
Intimate connection to Source is apparent to me through insights, which I receive as healing gifts, when I am open and ready to see. They return me to wholeness, a state of being where there is no separation between me and all that is. This came to me naturally as a child, before I got lost in the ways of the world, in Lila, the play of life, but so young, I neither needed nor possessed words to express the absolute bliss that brought me to tears of joy, without any apparent (outward) reason.
It has taken decades and much suffering for me to re-discover that bliss. As I bathe the worldly wounds received in far too many psychic battles and as I accept the scars one by one, acknowledging each of them with gratitude for lessons learned, I find myself re-kindling the fire that burned so brightly as a child. By the light of this fire, I see what was always there, underneath the drama - ‘beautiful, good and eternal’ in the words of the ever-inspirational John O’Donoghue.
My job is to bring the flame of insight to illuminate a path for me in the world and if it can also illuminate a path for others, then my joy is exponential.
For the record though, I still get pissed off when hubby drops random items on the floor, wherever he happens to be standing when he’s finished using them; or manages to get the dishes as far as the sink but never quite into the dishwasher right beside it; I still have arguments in my head with people not present to argue back. So for now, I accept with gratitude, these glimpses of the beautiful, good and eternal, while doing my best to forgive myself for also being human ♥
The poem below (text & audio) weaves around this theme. Perhaps it may resonate and if not, that might be a sign you’ve attained enlightenment 😉
Human Being Spiritual
What good is it all, if I can't put into practice
the yoga, meditation, contemplation, somatics
when I need it most at the pivotal moment
lying awake feeling the torment
of to-do lists undone, problems that come
stomping all over the peace and the love
so easy to feel when I take that pose
picturing lotus or bright red rose lighting my heart
igniting the part of me that wants to be
oh, so serene?
But it never seems to work out that way
when I argue with someone during the day
it rolls in my head at night-time again
like avalanche rock that cannot be stopped
creating the pain, the pain, the pain, the pain
and all I can think is: Make it go away!
Then where is the peace, where is the lotus?
Where is the practice designed to float us
to a heavenly state where all is well
'cos it's not the scent of roses I smell
it's the scent of fear in this dark foul hell
where ego presides, cracking the whip
tormenting my mind.
When daylight arrives, my flagellated body
cries out for someone - anybody
who might break through the walls of this hellish prison
stitch together the jagged schism in my head.
Perhaps a lobotomy might do the trick
stop the incessant tick, tick, tick
of thoughts turning over in tortuous monologue
of what I did and where I went wrong
or if I wasn't wrong, then it must have been you
'cos blame is required to make the story true.
And a story it is, strung together
with bits 'n bobs of constant fretting
about what people think and am I enough?
When I'm caught in the story, I can't rise above
to be objective, gain some perspective
on this limited narrative that keeps me tethered
unable to break the stranglehold
of the story I've told for far too long.
It keeps me ensnared in a vice-grips of sorrow
worrying always about tomorrow
or the past replaying on endless loop
boiling my blood to a thick, dark soup of dubious ingredients
thoroughly nasty, spiteful, mischievous,
keeping me always from finding my peace.
Then I arise, the sun shines its greeting
something is there, momentary, fleeting
slips away but not before conveying its meaning.
Lover's kiss, dogs lick my face
rolling tide brings me to grace I have felt before
I feel it so clearly as I stand on the shore
with the waves sweeping in almost seeming to sing
come back home, you are not alone
it's a glimmer of hope, a moment of soul
this is what's real, this is the goal
this is the story that needs to be told.
My life is my practice, each day a new start
to offer the prayer I make with my heart
and through my thoughts, words and deeds
bring to life those precious seeds
I find on my mat in the moments of silence
peace, love, compassion under the violence
of storms that threaten to take it all and throw it away
know the tempest as merely a play of Lila.
Above all else, remember this:
Though I may wish to find my spiritual bliss
I am, for now, also human.
© Áine Fortune 2020
Oh do I identify Aine. Thank you for full disclosure. I love your poem. I think we all need reminding, at least I do, that chaos and storms are all parts of the flow of life when we anchor ourselves to source and pure love, Purification happens as we burn away all that we're not. A fairly busy process in my life these days but the infinite spark keeps calling me home.....such is the manipulation of the external world as it endeavours to distract us stay away from this powerful transmutation process that reminds us of how powerful we truly are. Let 2024 be the year of the lions roar as we reclaim our sovereignty and bliss. Beautiful work. Deeply appreciated xx
Many of us have awakened but still the vast majority of "us" do not realise what that actually means.
For me, it does not just mean that WE CAN SEE THAT our governments are democidal, inept and corrupt Pieces of S**t; it means that we have raised our levels of consciousness - to everything without knowing. You do actually infer to this above and yes there are different stages and many are at the lower levels; but will go on and increase their awareness.
Now we are at one.. or will be... and that is why I believe they are trying to divide us, so much...